Thursday, May 15, 2014

Total Respect for Jim Caviezel

Fast forward to the last 5 minutes- start at 34:30-

Goes along with my last post.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

20 days

Saturday the 12th of April I woke up with a powerful voice saying "20 days". 20 days for what? Matthew will be home by then. Will I get into a horrible car accident and die? I have been too distracted with my sister Theresa's wedding coming up on April 19th and Matthew's return from deployment soon after that I have been checking my phone while driving- a big no-no for me! That same day my phone got water damage. I can barely make phone calls on it. I refused to get it fixed because I felt that God was telling me I would die the most horrific death if I didn't stop texting and driving. Isaiah 55:8 ["For my thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways are not your ways," declares The Lord.] Praise him for that because my thoughts were out of control.

This story I am about to share, very few know. But it's time we empower one another and not live in closets anymore. Even as Christians we should be able to speak truth and life into one another. 

My sisters and brothers, here is what happened when I woke up this morning-

I had a vision of a 14 year old girl with the prettiest blue eyes who was smiling at me. She had a short haircut to her chin. Wavy but not as curly as Raelynn's. When I woke up, I knew exactly who she was. She was the little baby I aborted when I was 17 years old at 9 weeks. I was dating a guy much older than I was. He was 21. And the first time we had sex, I got pregnant. He and his mom decided for me what was best. I was too scared to tell my family so I went along with it. My parents soon found out afterwards and did what any parent would do in this situation. Loved me anyways- through the disappointment. 

I went on to college. I dedicated my life and the degree I earned to that baby. 

But still, lived with regret, anxiety, fear and a disappointment beyond what anyone could have said to make me feel any worse about the choices that were made in my past. 

Moving forward, I met the man of my dreams my final year of college. We married a couple months before I graduated. Found out I was pregnant a couple weeks after graduation. Pregnancy brought back old feelings that haunted me from my past mistake. What constantly ran through my mind was that because of my past, God would certainly punish me. And how guilty I would feel that if something terrible happened to this new baby, that poor Matthew would be punished as well. I carried around these feelings even past Wayne's birth and suffered postpartum depression because of it. After coming to Matthew with the fears I had all along and he said,"God is not a God who punishes us like that. Bad things will happen. But it is not a result of what you did." [Going back to His ways are not our ways.] I know now that was the devil trying to hold me back from being the mother God always knew I would be. 

Several years ago, my sister in Christ Tammie from church said,"Jesus lived the perfect life, void of sin. He died the most horrific death in our place and forgave as he lay dying on the cross. If you are unwilling to forgive anyone or situation in your life, you are therefore saying you are better than Jesus. Do you think you are better than Jesus?" Woah, I had forgiven so many in my life, and many were able to forgive me for aborting a perfectly healthy child, so why was I unable to forgive myself? I wrote it down and nailed it to the cross. I left it there and had a great peace about it. Which is why I am able to talk about it now. I am not who I was back then! 

You see, I was not far enough along to know what the sex of my baby was. I really wanted to name Raelynn, Dakota. I loved that name and fought for it. I now know who that name was meant for and I can't wait to meet her one day. 

I am not writing this to say abortions are ok! My life has made a complete 360 since that decision 14 years ago. Do not live in the fears or regrets of yesterday. I chose to be saved by the graces of God. Change from your wicked ways. Choose to live a life with Christ as your savior, nothing less! 

I did the math for when she would have presumably been born. I have no doubt in my mind, today is my sweet Dakota's birthday! 

Happy Birthday! 

Monday, December 2, 2013

Being Called

At church they have been talking a lot about obeying God. Listening to him. Going when he says go. Moving when he says Move. Doing when he says do. 

Well, I woke up feeling of how many times have we heard God and not done anything? Then I started to think about when people say, "why do bad things happen to good people?" God is a mighty God and he moves through us. He calls each of us to fulfill his plan. What happens when God calls us to visit or minister to a neighbor (for example) and we don't do it? What if that neighbor has a drinking problem, has never heard the word, winds up driving drunk one night and killing someone who was one of the said, "good people." It's easy to think we are good people living in our little bubbles of goodness- unwilling to step out of our comfort zones. How much of what we don't do that God asks of us, causes "bad things to happen to good people" because we were not obedient? 

Makes you rethink ignoring the call. 

Monday, April 29, 2013

I can't believe it's been one year!!!

We are coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the night that changed my life! And today we ran into the detective who was on Matthew's case. He said the DA's office wanted to arrest him but several of the guys (including the detective) fought for him. Said Matthew would win, so why ruin his career. They never filed charges.

I had never so vulnerably spoke with God, than I did that night. For what felt like the first time in years, he answered me. (Even though now I realize he was always there for me!!) Not in thought, not in words, but in His actions. My life will never be the same. As much as the shooting was a curse, it was a  blessing.

I have forgiven the man who shot at my husband and hope he is living a much purer life- apart from the life of hate and evil. I hope God wasn't just there for Matthew and I that night, but was there with all parties directly and indirectly involved.

This picture was taken 10 minutes before the shooting. I am blessed it wasn't my last memory of my husband. I am thankful God's wish was for him to stay so that he can continue to inspire and be a blessing to those around him. And most importantly, he can be that light for our precious children. May they grow to know love for humanity like their father.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

My parents have been married 36 years!

How sweet is was to be a part of their special day with a surprise dinner. They were so cute as we spoiled them the way they should be! We had a wireless speaker outside so that we could control the music from inside. I played them their song-they danced!

Friday, February 15, 2013

In God we trust

1. Help others even if this means stepping outside of your comfort zone.
2. Don't gossip. Ever! Before you speak, think about the motives behind why you are saying what you are about to say.
3. Love everyone. Even if they have wronged you. You don't have to be best friends. But certainly don't partake in #2. But this will leave you open for a #1 if they need it. And they will slowly start to rebuild #4 in people. Maybe they have been hurt before and have lost all #4.
4. Trust is easy to be taken away and slow to rebuild. Even white lies can hurt. Be honest. Be nice. Be trustworthy. It's the best characteristic to have and shapes the person you will become
5. That voice that comes into your head really fast and out of nowhere when your thoughts are running wild and unclear- that is God. Listen to it. Do it. (As long as you aren't committing sin because that's the Devil)