Friday, November 16, 2012

Angels Among Us

So..... this might get long and winded but I have to say it.

I have always been spiritual but had a hard time telling who or what I believed in. I was raised Methodist and went to church every Sunday, until the people pushed us away. For many years I questioned God and my beliefs due to my lack of faith. Mostly faith in humanity. I would ask myself questions like:

*If I know in my heart to be a good person why do I need church?
*Why are congregations so gossipy and spiteful at times?
*Why do people honestly think that simply by showing up on Sunday meant they would never go to hell?
*Does hell even exist and could someone so loving as Our Creator really punish those who have sinned when his only Son died for us on the cross? Aren't we all forgiven?

And so forth. But the problem was, I pushed me away. And honestly, that break was probably needed for me to see life without God in it. I was anxious, a lot. I feared the unknown, a lot. I was weak. I talked to him. Prayed. But in return felt unanswered. Left behind.

Cinco de Mayo, 2012 was the night I realized he was there with me all along. Some of you may or may not know that Matthew was involved in a self-defense shooting. A man got drunk getting aggressive with his woman at the church parish house by our home and we heard the arguing that turned violent. He immediately ran over to help and was shot at. From where I was standing, I only heard gunshots but was on the phone with police. My anxiety was running high. Imagining my life without my love, kids memories of their father faint and distant as they age. I was speechless. Like many you hear on rescue 911, I forgot my address.

Once police did arrive, I saw my husband was ok. Never before had I talked to God, unselfishly and fully exposed. I asked for a sign. Anything, God. Just let me know things will be ok. The street light went off and on. Off and on. Comfort came over me. And in that very moment my husband was calmed by that same exact thing. (I always pick on him because he thinks he creates some energy that makes lights go off and on and I think he's full of himself.) But to me, that was God's way of communicating that things will be ok.

Looking back, I remember all sorts of times that angels were with me. Not in the flying around ghost like but in true human form. When I was living in Whidbey Island, WA, I was pushing my 4 month old son in a stroller to meet a friend at the park. When I got to the bottom of the hill to the crosswalk, it went through several cycles before I realized, I never got the WALK sign. I started thinking about how I would look like a bad mother if I took my little child through the crosswalk and no walk sign. It seemed like a better idea to walk back up the hill, get my car and meet my friend that way. As soon as I turned around a woman put her hand on my shoulder asking how old Wayne was. I told her. No sooner later she said, "You're a good mother. Here, I will cross with you and if a car gets close I will jump in front of him." I felt at peace by her words, as if she read my mind. She walked across beside us, then parted ways smiling and holding up a peace sign. I will never forget that moment. I had a big smile on my face.

Did I experience the Holy Spirit?

Recently, both kids were going nuts while I was running my errands. Hunger and exhaustion just seemed to posses my sweet babies. I swung into Wendy's and barely got the order out in-between out bursts. I was trying to calm them down and reaffirming them full bellies and naps were on their way while I am pulling up to the first window to pay. Among the chaos I heard a car noise that was all too familiar to me. Most of my dearest friends know about my old Saturn's motor mount always being loose!! The knocking of the oil being too low. Back in the drive thru, the car behind me was a piece of duck-tape away from falling apart. I then asked the clerk to put his order with mine and I will pay for it. Did the Holy Spirit enter me to help me notice someone in need whom I could be of service to? I have never done anything like that before. It makes me wonder if that woman above felt the same way about telling me I was a good mother. Maybe the Holy Spirit gave her the words knowing exactly what it was I needed. For that moment, I felt like I knew exactly what it was he needed.